Monday, October 16, 2017

Thoughts During a Half Marathon

I have a feeling that the majority of people who read this blog are my close friends and family so you probably already saw this because I emailed it to you in thanks for support my recent half marathon for Cancer Research UK. But in case I'm pleasantly surprised (or you didn't donate but are still a friend), I recently ran a half marathon for Cancer Research UK! And it was tough!! It was my third half so maybe I thought I had this down and went into it a little too prepared to kick butt and less mentally prepared to get through it. Either way, here is a summary of what it feels like as told by the stages of grief:
  1. Denial- Miles 1-4 when you're in denial about how difficult this is going to be. When you're still surrounded by people chatting and wearing bells and tutus, excitedly starting this journey. Crushing your pace and feeling on top of the world like "I've so got this, acing it, it's going to be so easy".
  2. Anger- Miles 5-7 when you're mad at your past denying self for running too fast and now you have to conquer the one hill on the course. Or was that the hill back there? Is there another hill?? Why didn't you take the snacks they were handing out? Why didn't you go to the bathroom one last time? Why did you even sign up for this?? You crazy fool. 
  3. Bargaining- Mile 8-10 when you're just trying to get from one mile marker to the next. If you make it to the mile 9 sign, then you can take another snack. If you make it to the mile 10 marker, your mind will shut down and your body will just take over and you will wake up at the finish line. If you finish this race, you never have to run again.
  4. Depression- Mile 11-12 when you know you aren't going to make it, you're going to be on this course for hours and hours and your spectators will wonder where you are. When you regret sharing your bib number and tracking link with anyone. When you have the thought "I'm never running again. Period". When you ask part way through mile 12 how much further and are told "you're not far". Lies. So far. 
  5. Acceptance- Mile 13 when you realize you are going to make it after all and it doesn't matter if it's not your best time, you made it and someone still gets a video of you actually running as proof. When you realize you can have a burger, sweet potato fries, a beer, cookie, hot chocolate, macaroni and cheese and STILL not make up the calories you just burned. When you accept this race wasn't for you anyways and that's something to be proud of. 
So while I am currently still in the "I'm never running again" mindset, I'm sure that will pass soon enough. And after that comes "okay, I'll run again but I'm never running a half marathon again" which I'm sure will also pass. We shall see....

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