On Adulting

Did you ever have a chore chart? I didn't, we just did the chores and that was our "contribution to the family" (I wish I were kidding but that is still a phrase used today by me and my now grown-ass adult siblings when we do something for our parents or pay for something). But we had a chore chart at camp so we would keep the cabin clean and while we were at activities, the 'cleaning fairy' would inspect the cabins and give a sticker for clean bunks. If you got a week straight of stickers, the whole cabin went for ice cream. Incentive. I should also note I was not a camper, I was a counsellor. So I was the 'adult' encouraging the children to clean so I could also get free ice cream. Win-win.

Well now I'm an adult and I pay my own bills (I buy my own diamonds -jokes- and I buy my own rings), get myself to work, clean my flat, wash my clothes, cook my meals: where is my gold star?! Where is my reward for adulting?! My sister gave me a sign for Christmas that reads "I can't adult today" which is something I will sometimes text her (I also text her gold star emojis for myself when I do things like pay my bills or save money).

I think the simple answer is the reward for adulting is life or rather, control of one's life. "Adulting" wasn't even a thing before we millennials made it a verb. Adult was a stage of life. So far as I know, and maybe I'm just uncool, there's no term for "teenagering" when they have an emo tantrum or storm off in the middle of dinner, they're just "being a teenager". Well this is called just being an adult. The issue I think we millennials have with it is it's permanent: for a generation that is all about 'follow your own path', work-life balance, gap years, living abroad, an overall transient and experience-based lifestyle, being an adult is terrifying because it's FOREVER. We will from now on be an ADULT.

I read this article that talked about part of why we have created this term for just being a certain age and independent is because we are actually just burning ourselves out. It's not 'adulting' it's another fun buzz word: 'millennial burnout'. We have been given the pressure, by ourselves and/or society, to 'make it'. Make it where?? Make it hoooow?? Apparently to adulting.

So we've gone from Peter Pan-syndrome to Adulting to Millennial Burnout. Are these official diagnoses yet?

 

If I had a dollar (or 1.30 pounds) for every time I've thought to myself (or directly been told) "you have to make it worthwhile", I could stop adulting altogether and just retire to a small island. We are stereotypically a spoiled generation where our parents' investment (because yes, we were their beloved children but we were also expensive to send to school when tuition was on the rise and more kids were competing for fewer slots so we had to have a leg up in the form of SAT prep class or private school or lessons in some obscure activity that would set us apart) in us must be returned in the form of 'worthwhile'. But we also have more flexibility and opportunity than our parents to work crazy (or not) hours, to take as much vacation as we want (or at least more than our parents did) and have less formal relationships with our coworkers which goes against previous generational definitions of success and therefore 'worthwhile'.

So whatever you're doing, gold star! You got yourself to your friend's birthday on time: gold star! You remembered to bring a card for said friend: two gold stars! You even remembered said friend's birthday before Facebook told you: get yourself some boozy ice cream because you my friend, are a bonafide adult.

Expectations vs. Hopes

I'm a planner, if you've ever met me, this is quickly apparent. If you haven't met me--trust me, I'm the planner. I love hosting a good theme party or dinner. Friendsgiving? Check. Royal Wedding? I've got your tea sandwiches and bunting right here. Valentine's Day? Okay I might one day invest in a black heart pinata and baseball bat but for now settle for a solid girls' night dinner. Mind you, most of this never made it on the blog, oops! But I've roasted a turkey and made wedding cupcakes with Harry & Meghan's faces on them like the best of 'em.

Recently I had a couple people comment that I shouldn't set my expectations too high for these parties/plans so I'm not disappointed if they don't turn out the way I envisioned. Valid. But it got me thinking about the difference between expectations and hope. I posed this to my sister who unfortunately misinterpreted the question, sent via text, to be a frustrated rant/cry for help (which to be fair, is usually what I'm doing). But she wrote this post quickly to answer my question and then I clarified that it was really a musing about how we are encouraged to hope and dream while simultaneously told not to set expectations.

So how do you have hope and dream for something without setting expectations? Isn't a dream an expectation? No no, a dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep, duh! Couldn't resist a Disney plug. But seriously, we don't say "don't dream" or "don't hope" but we do say "be mindful of your expectations" and my personal favorite as a singleton getting unsolicited advice from people in long term relationships that suddenly makes them experts on dating: "maybe your expectations are too high".

(or Philosopher's Stone for the Brits)

Are my dreams too high?? Is there too much hope in the world?? Doubtful. If anything, I don't like to hope for things because that leads to disappointment (did I just answer my own question?). Expectations feel more concrete, black and white achievements. They are met or they aren't. But hopes and dreams have a spectrum, it's more emotional to me. Your expectations could be a 10 and you hit an 8, that's not failure. That's an 8/10! That's above average! So double rainbows didn't spontaneously shine down on you (that would be an 11) and Bradley Cooper didn't buy you coffee (dreamzzz--but that would be like a 25) but things were still great!

So from one hopeful dreamer masquerading as a black-hearted pessimist, have hope and courage to dream. Just don't expect them to come true (kiddinggggg...sort of...).